As a heads up, this post is going to be my long, round-about way of explaining why I’m taking control. Again.
For the last two weeks, I’ve essentially been living out of a suitcase. I’ve spent four of the last 15 nights sleeping in my own bed. And if you think my sleep routine is off, you should see my workout one. Actually, you really couldn’t since it’s been pretty non-existent.
In fact, I hit a low last week. After wrapping up a meeting last Wednesday I sat in the parking lot of the gym texting the middle and Lindsay about how much I didn’t want to go to zumba, even though I was already there and really needed a workout given that I’d just eaten a donut out of stress. Not my finest hour, my friends. And it was concerning for two reasons:
- Rarely do I not feel like going to zumba, even when it’s out of town
- I don’t even care for donuts
In my defense, I was traveling and still had a two hour drive to my next town/hotel. And it turned out zumba was an hour later (the ladies at the front desk thought I was nuts until I explained zumba.com failed me, just as it had the night before), so I ended up doing PowerPump class that left me feeling sore for three days.
But that’s neither here nor there. The point is that I was feeling non-Liz like and I hate that feeling.
I’d been contemplating how to get my routine back on track when the middle sent me this article. That’s when the wheels started turning. One quote in particular stuck out to me: “When you comment on my life stage as if there was something I could do to change it, it makes me feel inadequate.”
Most of the things I may not be feeling particularly happy about? They’re things I can control. I can’t control my life timeline or the future, but I can make the decision to make positive changes that leave me feeling better about where I’m at right now (in other words, not eating the freakin’ donut and just going to the gym). It’s up to me to make the decisions that help me feel better, and ultimately happier/more joyful.
In fact, that’s the crux of the email exchange I had with the middle about this Happiness Project Q&A. Happiness isn’t given to me or owed to me by any stretch of the imagination. But it was the last answer that seem to really hit home as far as my current health situation (and while 16 days may not seem like much, I’m finding it’s just enough to make it really difficult to get back up on the horse). I’ve been feeling unhappy primarily as a result of feeling unhealthy, but I know once I’m back on track with that, I’ll be quite a content lady again. It’s a matter of climbing back up that hill.
This time around, though, I’ve decided to take it slow. I thought about starting my 30 days of vegetarianism and 90 days of no pop just to kick-start this taking control thing, but I knew deep down it would make me miserable and thus only last all of three days (particularly since I’m already struggling a bit to stay motivated with this 5K training thing…).
Instead I want to focus on making small changes…in part because I felt all domestic when I finally got home last night and baked cranberry orange bread.
Although health-wise it probably wasn’t my best decision, it made for a very peaceful and content night back at home. I likely wouldn’t make in the future, but it might be better if I used fresh cranberries (I ran out of patience trying to find some at the store) and if I didn’t bake it the full hour. This tastes a little more like a scone, though that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Perhaps not being head over heels for it isn’t such a bad thing, either. It just makes for one less temptation as I’m taking control. This time with (hopefully) more success.